There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
