Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
