You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
