Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
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She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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