before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We don't watch enough power rangers
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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