She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
