i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
