haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
