He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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