I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
