My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
