why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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