Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
