I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
