As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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