forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
