I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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