Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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