Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
