i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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