I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
