He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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