I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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