I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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