I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
