Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
