So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
