And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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