I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
