"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
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