Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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