I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
