dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Apparently you make a good broom.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
