The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i will never coherently bang her
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
