Got a toothbrush?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
