good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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