At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
