I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
