I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Pooping to opera.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
