the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
