whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
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I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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