shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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