My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
