so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
