I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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