yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
