the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
