YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My dick has a subreddit
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
