i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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