Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
