She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
