i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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