she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
