Define "chronic" masturbator.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
