So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
