I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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