i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
