Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
