Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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