Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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