Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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