i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
