Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
