he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
