Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
