THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
