If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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