It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
