Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You smell like stripper and shame
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
