I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
